To My Son On His Graduation Day

"For this child I have prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart."  1 Samuel 1:27

To my son, Hunter, on his graduation day:

I don’t even know where to start.  I recently saw something that said “There are only 940 Saturdays between birth and when they leave for college.  Use them wisely.”  940 seems like a lot.  I’ve also heard the saying “You only get 18 summers, 18 birthdays, 18 Christmases.  Make them count.”  18 sounds like a lot less.  It felt like a lot less.  My mom always said that time flew by.  I didn’t really believe that until now.  Now I know exactly what she meant.  When you’re young, time drags.  A week is 7 excruciatingly long days.  A month is forever.  And a year??  That’s an eternity.  As you get older, you find that’s not exactly the case.  Time is funny thing.  When you want it to go by fast, it is so painfully slow.  When you want it to slow down, it is so painfully fast.  These last (almost) 18 years have gone by so painfully fast.  “The days are long, but the years are short.”  No truer words have ever been spoken. 

Knowing that, forgive me for a few things.  Forgive me if I stare at you just a few seconds too long.  When I look at you, I see more than the incredible young man you’ve become.  I also see that sweet, smiley little boy who so loved his mommy.  The little boy whose face would light up at just the sound of my voice.  The little boy who would run to me with arms wide open ready for a hug.  That little boy and that young man have my heart.  So if you see me looking at you with a smile and a far-away expression, that’s why.

Forgive me for reminiscing too often.  I have so many wonderful memories of my life with you. I can’t help but share them.  And I know that you’ve heard these same stories hundreds of times, but to me there are no better stories.  The absolute best moments of my life have you in them.  So just smile and nod and let me remember.

Finally, forgive me for all of the things I did so incredibly wrong.  I messed up A LOT.  And I am so sorry for my shortcomings as a mom.  You deserved the best, but you got me.  Just know I really tried.  I tried to make birthdays and Christmases special.  I tried to make more of your childhood memories happy than sad.  No one could have loved you more.  My hope is that when you look back on those years, you smile and say you had a good childhood with a mom who loved you more than life.  I hope you don’t remember the times I screwed up.  I hope you remember the times I got it right.  I obviously did something right because you are you.  Maybe that’s in spite of me but I hope it’s just a little because of me.

I hope you will always know that I am your biggest fan.  Always have been.  Always will be.  I have reveled in your victories and cried in your defeats.  Not a single second was wasted watching you grow up and do the things you loved.  Every late night driving home from a game (usually with half of the team in the car with us), every night spent at a ball field (or a gym depending on the sport), every afternoon spent watching a practice, every hour spent burning DVDs of various games or school events – it was all worth it.  And I will miss it.  I will miss watching you do what you love with your friends.  I know you will still do some of these things, but it won’t be exactly the same.  Watching a child, or even a teenager, do something they really love is a special experience.  Thank you for that experience.

I am beyond proud of you and all you’ve accomplished so far.  And I know that you will accomplish so much more.  Just remember not to take life too seriously.  Always try to have a little fun.  It’s ok to laugh at yourself.  Life will be much easier if you can do that.  Trust me.  I have faith that whatever you do, you will do it well.  Have faith in yourself.  You really can do anything you put your mind to.  There is a world of possibilities before you.  Embrace it.  Take a few chances.  You may fail, but you may not.  You’ll never know until you try.  Don’t be afraid to fail.  Everyone does.  Just make sure you learn from it.  Pick yourself back up and try again.  You will get it if you just keep your focus. 

I’m sure I will think of a million other things I’ll wish I had written as soon as I post this, but for now I think I’ll end with a few simple words.  CONGRATULATIONS on your high school graduation and I LOVE YOU. 

Mom